Idiot: You need to smile more at work. Me: Me? I need to smile more?? Bite me. <Idiot laughs, starts choking on his/her drink.> Me: There…. See? I am smiling now!
Ordering my dinner at a local pub, on a busy Saturday night. Me: …and I will have the onion rings with that. Waitress: I’m sorry, we are out of onion rings until Monday. Me: I’ll wait. <Long pause, as she stares at me with a puzzled face> Me: Um… I am kidding. Waitress: Oh, hahaha. […]