First contact from an online admirer, who seems to think we have spoken before… but we had not. Idiot: [My screen name], did you remember I have blue balls? for the women in blue bell? Me: *sigh* Really? REALLY? I think you should leave that as your opening line AND your farewell.
Normal conversation is halted by a “kitten-gram”. Me: I’m sorry, but I can’t deal with anyone who would send me a picture like that. Idiot: Seriously? Me: Yes. I am pretty sure I explained to you before, but I guess you forgot. Idiot: So, what do you want? Me: Nothing. Idiot: Aw, c’mon. Me: You […]
Me: Ugh. Why did you think I would want to see that? Idiot: What is wrong with that picture? Me: Well, while I am grateful that it is at least covered up by gym shorts, I don’t find the photo, or the fact that you sent it, appealing at all. Idiot: You could hang a […]
Idiot: You need to smile more at work. Me: Me? I need to smile more?? Bite me. <Idiot laughs, starts choking on his/her drink.> Me: There…. See? I am smiling now!
Ordering my dinner at a local pub, on a busy Saturday night. Me: …and I will have the onion rings with that. Waitress: I’m sorry, we are out of onion rings until Monday. Me: I’ll wait. <Long pause, as she stares at me with a puzzled face> Me: Um… I am kidding. Waitress: Oh, hahaha. […]