Unlike most Idiot Theater episodes, this is not an online conversation. This one was live… face to face… Me: So, you are working on opening your own restaurant? That is so cool! What kind of cuisine will it have? Idiot: It can’t be described. Me: Psh, of course it can. Anything can be described. C’mon. […]
FYI – My dating profile says I seek men ages 30-45, and this guy’s first message to me is: Idiot: 30? Really? How could he afford you? Me: I take care of myself… No one needs to “afford” me. Idiot: The perfect woman. Wow. Me: A self-rescuing princess. Idiot: I am just old and rich […]
Idiot: Do you want me to send you a sexy pic? Me: No, thank you. Idiot: Why not? Me: I don’t need it. Idiot: But I kinda want to send you one. Me: But I kinda don’t want to get one. Idiot: Please? Me: Noooooooo Idiot: Awe come on. Why not? I think you will […]
Idiot: Delete my number Me: Okay <Long Pause> Idiot: Why didn’t you call me back yesterday. Me: Who is this? Idiot: What? Me: Who is this? Idiot: It is me. Duh. We have been chatting for like 10 minutes now. Me: I’m sorry. I don’t recognize this number. It is not in my phone. Who […]
Idiot: I will call you tomorrow. Me: Sure you will. Idiot: Why would you say that? Me: Because the last two times you said that… you didn’t. Idiot: Well, I will. I am going to surprise you. Me: Meh. Even if you do, that would make you 1 for 3. I suppose if this were […]
First contact from an online admirer, who seems to think we have spoken before… but we had not. Idiot: [My screen name], did you remember I have blue balls? for the women in blue bell? Me: *sigh* Really? REALLY? I think you should leave that as your opening line AND your farewell.
Normal conversation is halted by a “kitten-gram”. Me: I’m sorry, but I can’t deal with anyone who would send me a picture like that. Idiot: Seriously? Me: Yes. I am pretty sure I explained to you before, but I guess you forgot. Idiot: So, what do you want? Me: Nothing. Idiot: Aw, c’mon. Me: You […]
Me: Ugh. Why did you think I would want to see that? Idiot: What is wrong with that picture? Me: Well, while I am grateful that it is at least covered up by gym shorts, I don’t find the photo, or the fact that you sent it, appealing at all. Idiot: You could hang a […]