Wednesday, February 26, 2020
Everyday Idiots I am an Idiot

“Just the Tiniest Bit” Episode

I am the Idiot here…

Shopping in a specialty store that has an extensive selection of samples… olive oils, balsamics, salts, jams, dips, mustards, etc. My friend heads toward the main room with dips and fruit vinegars, and I take off for the gourmet salt room. After a few minutes, I emerge, frantically scanning the main room, obviously looking for something specific.

Friend: Hey. You okay?

*Frowning, I squint my eyes and shake my head from side to side.

Friend: What happened?

*I hold one finger up in the air, to indicate that I will try to answer him in just a moment.

Friend: What the hell did you do? Are you looking for water? You’re not choking, are you?

*I shake my head again. And manage a croaky, barely audible response.

Me: Burning

*I find a water cooler, and chug a cup of water, then another. Wincing, I still speak with a very hoarse voice. My eyes start to water.

Me: Oooooh… Oh, god, that might have made it worse.

Friend: You ate something spicy, didn’t you!?

*We both know that I have zero tolerance for spicy foods of any kind… so rolling my eyes was answer enough.

Friend: Wasn’t there a sign warning people it was spicy? They should warn people.

Me: No……

Friend: Well, what did you eat?

Me: A flavored salt… just the tiniest bit

Friend: What flavor was it?

Me: I’m not sure, it just hurts. I can’t taste anything. I think I might even have a blister.

Friend: Well, what was the name of it?

*I paused a moment, knowing how stupid I was going to sound.

Me: Um…. Venom

*Although he tried not to, my friend started laughing.

Friend: VENOM?!? What the hell did you THINK was going to happen?

*I shrugged, and grabbed another cup of water.

Friend: Seriously…. are you going to be okay.

Me: We shall see. If I end up in the hospital… yeah, it was called “venom”

*It took 2 1/2 hours until the tip of my tongue stopped burning, and the blister on the roof of my mouth went away the next morning. I am okay now, except for still feeling really dumb.



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