I am the Idiot here…
Shopping in a specialty store that has an extensive selection of samples… olive oils, balsamics, salts, jams, dips, mustards, etc. My friend heads toward the main room with dips and fruit vinegars, and I take off for the gourmet salt room. After a few minutes, I emerge, frantically scanning the main room, obviously looking for something specific.
Friend: Hey. You okay?
*Frowning, I squint my eyes and shake my head from side to side.
Friend: What happened?
*I hold one finger up in the air, to indicate that I will try to answer him in just a moment.
Friend: What the hell did you do? Are you looking for water? You’re not choking, are you?
*I shake my head again. And manage a croaky, barely audible response.
*I find a water cooler, and chug a cup of water, then another. Wincing, I still speak with a very hoarse voice. My eyes start to water.
Me: Oooooh… Oh, god, that might have made it worse.
Friend: You ate something spicy, didn’t you!?
*We both know that I have zero tolerance for spicy foods of any kind… so rolling my eyes was answer enough.
Friend: Wasn’t there a sign warning people it was spicy? They should warn people.
Friend: Well, what did you eat?
Me: A flavored salt… just the tiniest bit
Friend: What flavor was it?
Me: I’m not sure, it just hurts. I can’t taste anything. I think I might even have a blister.
Friend: Well, what was the name of it?
*I paused a moment, knowing how stupid I was going to sound.
Me: Um…. Venom
*Although he tried not to, my friend started laughing.
Friend: VENOM?!? What the hell did you THINK was going to happen?
*I shrugged, and grabbed another cup of water.
Friend: Seriously…. are you going to be okay.
Me: We shall see. If I end up in the hospital… yeah, it was called “venom”
*It took 2 1/2 hours until the tip of my tongue stopped burning, and the blister on the roof of my mouth went away the next morning. I am okay now, except for still feeling really dumb.