I want to thank my friend for putting this call on speaker phone, and allowing me to share.
Friend: Hi there, this is [friend’s name], and I was just calling to follow up on my prescription request.
Idiot: Those requests take 3-5 days ma’am.
Friend: Yes, I understand. I called with the request over a week ago, and have not heard anything, so I thought I should check.
Idiot: Well, we don’t count weekend days, which would be Saturday and Sunday, so we really mean 3-5 business days.
Friend: Yes, I understand. So, I guess I am then calling because it has been 6 business days, and I have not heard anything, so I thought I should check.
Idiot: I would have to pull up your file.
Friend: Yes, thank you. I can wait.
Idiot: *audible sigh*
<long pause, where we are not put on hold, but can hear drawers, paper shuffling, and hushed conversation in the background>
Idiot: I have the fax and fax report right here. It shows that we sent this on the day you called.
Friend: Um, okay, so what should we do? Should I call my doctor’s office to follow up, or do you need to do that.
Idiot: Well, I see here that we sent the fax last week, but that it did not go through, but we did send it, okay?
Friend: Okay. Wait. I’m sorry. What? So, your office didn’t actually send the fax last week?
Idiot: Yes, we sent it. It just didn’t go through. The fax report says it failed.
Friend: Um. *sigh* Well, so, that means that my doctor’s office never received the request. So…
Friend: So, are you going to send it again?
Idiot: Yes, we could do that.
Friend: Great. Will you do that today, because I really need this refill.
Idiot: Are you running low, because you really should plan ahead for these things.
Friend: Um, I was not running low last week or this week. I DID plan ahead, and that is why I called you LAST WEEK, and thought I should follow up now.
Idiot: We will send that fax today.
Friend: Will you please call the doctor’s office to confirm that they got the fax?
Idiot: We don’t need to do that. We can see if the faxes go through from the fax reports.
<long pause, and I do a facepalm… since we both know that no one looked at the fax report last time that said “FAILED”>
Friend: Right. I guess I will call the doctor’s office to make sure they got it.
Idiot: You really don’t need to do that.
<Friend rolls here eyes, and mouths the words to me, “I will call them”>
Friend: Oh, okay. So, since this is now kind of getting urgent, how soon do you think we can get this through.
Idiot: These things take 3-5 days, ma’am.
Friend: Business days?
<Friend smiles at me… I get up from my chair, and start writing my favorite quotes from this call on the whiteboard.>
Idiot: Yes, ma’am. 3-5 business days, which means we do not count Saturdays or Sundays.
Friend: Thank you. I will check back if I have not heard back from you by next Wednesday.
Idiot: You have to give us 3-5 business days.
Friend: Um, yes. Thank you.
Idiot: Okay, then. Thank you, and have a nice day.
<Friend hangs up phone>
Me: Oh…… My……. God……
Friend: Vicki, you should post this on your idiots page.
Me: Oh, may I… please?
Me: Thanks! I will!