Saturday, July 11, 2020
Dating Site Idiots Kitten-Grams

Not so Gingerly Episode

I was out at dinner with a guy friend sitting across the table from me.

Me: Yeah… I am going to need to skip dessert. I have a first date tonight. Meeting for drinks. I have to leave in like 15 minutes.

Friend: Cool. So, where did you meet this –

[My cell phone’s text notification sounds off, and I pick up the phone, look at the screen, and do a facepalm.]

Me: Oh, god. Never mind. I can stay for dessert now. Date. Canceled.

Friend: Standing you up? Are you kidding me?!?

Me: Nope…. Kitten-Gram.

Friend: No… NO! Oh, geez. What an idiot! He only had to make it 15 more minutes. Seriously?!?

Me [Sighing] Yep. Hold on. Gonna tell him he blew it, and I am not showing up now.

[I start texting.]

Friend: Hurry up. I wanna see!

Me [texting quickly]: Hold on… Hold on. Keep your pants on… Even though that does not seem to be the order of the day… HERE.

[I hand him the phone.]

Friend: Ew… Eeeeeeeew. Why did he SEND this?!? Ugh. What is it… broken?

[He shows me the screen, pointing to the middle.]

Friend: What the hell happened there?

[He turns the screen back to himself and continues to inspect.]

Friend: And… Oh… OH!… Ahhhh… Is he a GINGER? Wait… What is that there?… Is that hair?… or… SKIN?… Gahhhh! Why? Why? Why would he send this? Ugh!

[He hands the phone back to me.]

Me [Laughing]: Can’t unsee THAT! Scared straight?

Friend: Psh… Not hardly… Although, that… that IS frightening!

[Phone text notification sounds off.]

Me [reading phone]: Oh, he doesn’t understand why I didn’t like his “preview”. Preview? More like a PSA… The more you know…

Friend: The more you know? Um… Just SAY no!

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