Actual phone conversation, from the archives. This was in 2009.
I am the Idiot.
My boss: Hey, good morning Vicki. Are you okay?
Me: Um… I was calling to let you know that I won’t be coming in today.
My boss: Oh, I’m sorry. Are you sick?
Me: Nope. I’m just stupid.
My boss: Okay. Well, I guess we will see you tomorrow?
Me: Yes, I think so.
My boss: Alright. Talk to you then. Bye.
Me: Yeah. Bye.
I love that I had a boss who just accepted stupidity as an excuse, without question, for missing a day of work. I expected that she would let me explain myself when I returned to work, and sure enough, she didn’t even ask, but waited until I offered an explanation.
Me: So, I thought you might want to know what type of stupidity kept me home yesterday.
My boss: Yeah. I figured you would probably fill me in at some point. (laughing)
Me: Yep… So… I was shaving my legs, and was using one of those new razors that has five blades on the one side, and one extra little blade on the back of the razor’s head… I had soap all over my hands, and the razor flipped up into the air, and I caught it… by the blades. The side with the five blades left 5 cuts in three of my fingers, and the single blade on the other side sliced my thumb. [I held up a handful of bandaged fingers.]
My boss: Ewwww. (cringing)
Me: Yeaaah. There was a lot of blood, and the shower water made it look like a lot more than it probably actually was, but, that said, a lot of blood is what I remember seeing. And then, I woke up laying on the shower floor in it. I must have passed out gracefully, or maybe just felt woozy and laid down. I don’t remember. Not even sure how long I was laying there, but when I came to, I realized I was in no shape for work and called you. So, yeah. I wasn’t sick – just stupid. Thanks for just taking that explanation yesterday.
My boss: No problem. I trust you. I figured it would be a worthy reason. And you aren’t really stupid, just unlucky.
Me: Psh. I dunno. I think trying to catch a six-bladed razor is pretty stupid.
My boss: You may have a point there…