I am the Idiot here… Shopping in a specialty store that has an extensive selection of samples… olive oils, balsamics, salts, jams, dips, mustards, etc. My friend heads toward the main room with dips and fruit vinegars, and I take off for the gourmet salt room. After a few minutes, I emerge, frantically scanning the […]
Category: I am an Idiot
This Egg is a Mess Episode
From the Archives: *Idiot arrives very late to pick me up for a date. We were going to get dinner, then go to a movie. He left his house almost an hour after he was supposed to arrive at my house. Now, we only have just enough time to get to the theater before the movie […]
Only Carnivores Need Apply
Guy: hi Me: Hey there. TGIF Guy: It seems like we have a lot in common. Would you like to get together for dinner sometime? Me: I’m looking at your profile now. Are you a vegetarian? Guy: Yes, but don’t worry, I’m not offended if you eat meat. Me: But I’m offended that you don’t. Guy: […]
“I’m Stuck” Episode
I knocked at my neighbor’s door, and after a long wait, she answered, wrapped in a robe and towel. (We had spoken just a few times before, usually in the parking lot, since our assigned spots are side by side. Honestly though, I don’t think either of us remembered the other’s name.) Me: Oh, geez. […]
The Cat Wins Another Argument Episode
Me: Hey, asshole! Does this LOOK like a litter box to you? I point to the low-sided box on the floor filled with packing materials. The cat looks at me, looks at the box that he just peed in, and looks back at me. I think he shrugged. Me: Jezuz… It kinda does look like […]
“Calling out Stupid” Episode
Actual phone conversation, from the archives. This was in 2009. I am the Idiot. My boss: Hey, good morning Vicki. Are you okay? Me: Um… I was calling to let you know that I won’t be coming in today. My boss: Oh, I’m sorry. Are you sick? Me: Nope. I’m just stupid. My boss: […]
“Would you mind?” Episode
Our first date was going really well… until… Idiot: How do you feel about smoking? Me: Not a fan. Idiot: Oh, really? [This should not be a surprise. My dating profile clearly states that I prefer non-smokers. Look at me – out on a date with someone who listed themselves as an “occasional smoker”- trying […]
Idiot Theater: “I wish I had a fan” Episode
The actual conversation was too long to quote, but in the interest of fairness, I wanted to post another ‘Idiot of the Day’ where _I_ am the idiot, because… well… I deserve it. I was chatting with a friend last night, and we were commisserating about the sudden change in the weather. Neither of us […]
Idiot Theater – Forgetting My Own “Secret Code” Episode
Stupid: Locking yourself out of the house… AGAIN. Smart: Having a lock box with a spare key. Stupid: Forgetting the code to your own lock box. Smart: Calling your mom, who knows you well enough to jog your memory, and help you figure out what code you picked.
Idiot Theater – “I might be a jerk” Episode
I might be a jerk… (This is a post where I am kind of the idiot, I suppose.) Him: Hello Him: there”s not much to read on my profile.. if there is something i can tell you please just ask Me: No thanks. I don’t want to have to interview everyone who contacts me. Him: […]